Belated Happy Anniversary to Me!

It's been 1 year and 9 days since I came here to start living an independent life... (April 7 2008)
It's been 1 year and 6 days since I came here to be a slave at work... ( April 10 2008)

Wow. I made it. Who would have thought?

I didn't, because I was about to give up and go back to the Philippines for good, but because of the recession, I stayed.

Now I've reached the one year mark, and I've become more tough.

I could stand on my own now. I could voice out my thoughts and go wherever I want to go.

I have learned how to be strong, despite being weak. Sometimes it's all in the facade, you see. Just smile, and nobody will ever guess that you're crying inside. Well, not unless they look you staight in the eye, then they will see your beaten soul.

I don't mean to make Singapore look bad. I guess I can even say that I love this country, because it gave me this opportunity to grow. It has given me peace of mind in terms of safety. It has given me personal wealth and independence.

What I'm just trying to say is, life here is tough. It's so fast paced that days just pass you by in a blur. But that 'blur' is so stressed-filled that at the end of the day, you just realise that you're dead tired and stressed and you can't even really point out the reasons why.

For me, that is.

I complain a lot about my stressful job and how difficult it is to blend in with other people, but sometimes while I talk, I will listen to myself and realise how petty my complaints are, but I just know deep inside that my complaints are coming from somewhere very deep. So deep that no one will ever really understand.

All in all, it's been a good learning experience for me. Knowing what I know now, if I were given a chance to do it all over again, I would still do it. Although I might tweak it a bit and look for a different job (I don't know what), and I would probably make it a point to live in a flat with my friends (for moral support).

But now, I honestly don't know how to move forward. Should I stay or should I go?

I'm so tired, I can't even think anymore.

I guess I better call it a night.